Jerry Norrington, 78, never wanted to be alone, even as he got older.
Her first marriage ended in divorce, her second husband died more than 30 years ago, and when a five-year relationship ended in 2006, she was left alone – and has been so ever since.
“I miss having people to talk to and say, ‘How was your day?’ or, ‘What do you think is going on in the world?'” said Norrington, who lives in an apartment complex for seniors on Chicago’s South Side. She has a beloved daughter in the city, but “I don’t want to be a burden to her,” she said.
Norrington is part of a large and often overlooked group of more than 16 million Americans who live alone as they age — and surprisingly little is known about their experiences.
This older adult population faces significant health challenges: Nearly 4 in 10 seniors living alone have poor vision or hearing, difficulty caring for themselves or living independently, cognitive issues, or other disabilities, according to a KFF analysis based on 2022 Census data.
If help isn’t available at home when you need it (which is a very common problem), being alone can magnify these difficulties and lead to poorer health.
Research shows that older adults who live alone are at higher risk of becoming isolated, becoming depressed, being less active, having accidents, and not taking care of themselves. As a result, they are more likely to be hospitalized and die sooner than expected.
Getting health care can be a problem, especially for people who live in rural areas or don’t drive. Experts have observed that too often health care providers do not ask about older adults’ living situations and are unaware of the challenges they face.
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Common concerns
Over the past six months, I’ve spoken with dozens of older adults who are living alone, either by choice or because of circumstances (the most common being the death of a spouse). Some have adult children or other close relatives involved in their lives, but many don’t.
During lengthy conversations, the older adults expressed some common concerns: Why did they end up alone at this time? Is this okay? Who can I ask for help? Who can make decisions for me if I can’t? For how long can I take care of myself? What will happen when I can’t?
This “gray revolution” in the American lifestyle is being driven by longer life spans, rising rates of divorce and childlessness, smaller families, more geographically dispersed families, a focus on retirement in familiar places, and what New York University sociology professor Eric Klinenberg calls “intimacy at a distance” — a preference for close but not too close family relationships.
The most reliable and up-to-date data on seniors living alone comes from the U.S. Census Bureau. According to the 2023 Current Population Survey, about 28% of people 65 and older live alone, including just under 6 million men and just over 10 million women. (This figure does not include seniors who live primarily in institutions such as assisted living or nursing homes.)
By contrast, in 1950, one in 10 older Americans lived alone.
This is primarily an issue for older women, because women live longer than men and are less likely to remarry after widowhood or divorce. 27% of women aged 65 to 74 live alone, compared with 21% of men. Over 75, an astonishing 43% of women live alone, compared with just 24% of men.
A majority (80%) of people over age 65 who live alone are divorced or widowed, double the rate of the general population, according to a KFF analysis of 2022 Census data. More than 20% of them earn less than the 2022 federal poverty line of $13,590, and 27% earn between that amount and twice the poverty line, $27,180.
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Attitudes towards loneliness
Of course, each experience is very different. What an older person living alone is like depends on their financial situation, where they live, their network of friends and family, and the resources in the community where they live.
Attitude makes all the difference: Many older people enjoy their independence, while others feel abandoned. Feeling lonely is common, even for those with caring friends and family.
“I prefer being alone to being in a relationship,” says Janice Chavez, a Denver resident in her 70s. “I don’t have to ask anyone for anything. If I want to sleep late, I sleep late. If I want to stay up and watch TV, I can. I can do whatever I want. I love my independence and freedom.”
Norrington, of Chicago, is deciding whether to stay in her senior center or move to the suburbs after her car was vandalized this year. “Since the pandemic, I’ve been so scared that I can barely get out and about,” she said.
Now Norrington sends spiritual text messages to 40 people every morning, and they often reply with messages of their own. “It makes me feel less alone and gives me a sense of community,” she says.
In Maine, Ken Elliott, 77, a retired psychology professor, lives alone in a house in Mount Vernon, a town of 1,700 people 20 miles northwest of the state capital. He has never married and has no children. His only living relative is his 80-year-old brother who lives in California.
Elliott has spent the last few years trying to raise awareness of seniors living alone among policymakers and senior citizens groups in Maine. This started when he began researching the resources available to seniors who live alone. How do they get to doctor’s appointments? Who will help them when they come home from the hospital and need help? What happens if they need extra help at home but can’t afford it?
To his surprise, Elliott found the group to be under the radar, so he began campaigning for solo agers.
Now Elliott is thinking about how to assemble a team of people to help her and build a stronger sense of community as she ages in a place she’s familiar with. “It’s hard for anyone to age in place without the family support system that we all assume they have,” she says.
In Manhattan, Lester Shane, 72, is unmarried and has no children and lives alone in an 11-by-14-foot studio apartment on the third floor of a building with no elevator. After years of success as an actor, writer and stage director, he doesn’t make much money and isn’t sure how he’ll make a living if he stops teaching at Pace University.
“Some days I’m carrying grocery bags up the third floor and I think, ‘This is really hard,'” he said. Though his health is pretty good, he knows it won’t last forever.
“I’m on all the lists for senior housing. It’s all a lottery. Most people I’ve spoken to say you’ll probably die before your number comes up,” he said with dry humor.
Then Shane got serious. “I’m old, and I’m getting older. The problems I have now are only going to get worse,” he said. Like many older people who live alone, his friends are getting older and facing their own challenges.
The prospect of not knowing anyone to turn to is unsettling, Shane acknowledged. “It’s based on fear.”
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Kate Shulamit Fagan, 80, has been divorced twice and has been living alone since 1979. “I never planned on living alone,” she told me during a lengthy phone conversation. “I thought I’d meet someone, start dating again, and somehow get through the rest of my life. Letting go of that expectation was really hard.”
I first spoke with Fagan in mid-March. She was having a difficult time in Philadelphia, where she had moved two years earlier to live with one of her sons. “I’ve been really lonely lately,” she told me, explaining how hard it had been for her to adjust to a new life in a new place. Though her son was attentive, Fagan desperately missed the close friends she’d left behind in St. Petersburg, Florida, where she’d lived and worked for 30 years.
When I called Fagan four and a half months later, she was back in St. Petersburg, renting a studio apartment in a senior citizens building in the city center. She had celebrated her birthday there with 10 of her closest friends and was meeting people in the building. “I’m still not totally settled, but I feel great,” she told me.
What caused this change? “Here, if I want to get out and if I need help, I know there are a lot of people out there to help me,” Fagan says. “The fear is gone.”
Share your story
I would love to hear from others in a similar situation, so if you would like to share your own story, please send it to me at khn.navigatingaging@gmail.com.
KFF Health News is a national newsroom producing in-depth journalism on health issues and is one of the core operating programs of KFF, an independent source of health policy research, polling and journalism.
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